If i died tomorrow, here's what i would want you to know

Alright. So enough starting off with this "sorry i haven't written in a while" bullshit. I'm sorry people, I'm a busy girl. Not like anyone else even reads this (other than Ben Eastman occasionally), but whatevs.

To myself in the future: Loves forever but yeah there's gonna be a chunk of November that you're just not going to remember.

Anyways...the semester is about to end (thank God). I have my first of three finals tomorrow at 7:30 and yes it is now 2:48. Good job me but fuck math 105. I have successfully switched my lessons over to Margarat and unsuccessfully told Steve Colburn that i will not be taking lessons with him next semester. I have, however, successfully fooled him into thinking i am taking lessons with him next semester. My grades are probably not what i want them to be right now which is 3.8 or higher, but this first semester sucked major ass. I am not even going to lie. There has been one good thing about it though:...

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You know what?? On second thought this semester hasn't done shit for me.

I'm pretty much totally ready for Christmas break. I think i need a really really really fucking long break because Summer wasn't enough to make me want to go back to school. I'm sure that winter won't be either but i need something that'll motivate me to go back to school and try hard and all that good shit...hopefully winter break will be that Savior.

Speaking of Christmas break, i don't know how i am going to do all of the things that i have been telling everyone that i'm going to do with them. I do know that on the 23, i will be hanging out with Steph and seeing a movie and going to fuel, which i am really really excited about. I decided that i miss that girl way to much....

As for the grade school ladies, we are currently working on a day when we can all meet up but due to Kayla's gay home depot schedule, we have not really found a date that will work out for us.

Emily and all those engaged friends that i have?? Well....we're still working on that too.

Also, might i mention that i was planning on working a ridiculous amount over January because i am as broke as a joke. On top of visiting Steph at Valpo....and seeing Graeme and all that stuff...ugh i just don't know how i am going to do it all.

Oh well, i'm an awesome planner, i will figure it out.

So anyways...what have i been up to lately?? Well i definitely had a fucking awesome weekend with my gay lovers TJ and Elliot. really, without them, i never would have made it through the semester. They fucking rock. Watching them fight was so hard for me, but i think that they're over that almost right now...so whatevs. I'm happy. I'm just glad that they're talking again.

I was always closer with TJ than i was with Elliot but this weekend i think that i really got to bond with Elliot because it was the first time that we ever really got to hang out. He's totally my queen:) And TJ is my knight in shining armor.

Sometimes i have weird thoughts like what if i die tomorrow? Which i know isn't weird because everyone has thoughts like that , but seriously though. If i died tomorrow i think i would be good on the heaven sitch, and all that, but would i get to say goodbye to everyone i loved??

I know everyone thinks that im outspoken and all that, but there's some things that i haven't said to people (believe it or not) that i ask myself why i don't tell them like all the time. Which is one of the reasons i keep this blog i suppose.

So here it is, if i ever die. Sorry if thats too blunt...um anyways.

Alright guys, first off, i am in heaven so just chill out:) I mean my faith means everything to me. I just don't wear it on my sleeve like i know i should...i've been trying to but its really hard to be so open about faith and accepting of everyone at the same time...Sorry

To my parents. I'm sorry guys for everything that i put you through but i hope you know that you were really awesome parents. I don't think i could have gotten dropped into a better family and i wanna raise my kids the way that you raised me. Mom i don't really think you're a spazcase all the time, just sometimes...but that's ok because you're mom. Dad, you were always so protective of me but never showed it all the way...thanks. i really needed it to be that way. I promise to always be frugal with my money and i do have to admit, that me and Graeme actually do share that air mattress when he comes over. And sorry about the swearing. I always wanted to tell you how much i loved you but i never could and i don't know why, but it breaks my heart sometimes. I love you.

Graeme babe. You mean the world to me and i know that i became such a good person after i met you. I don't always treat you like i should and i'm not always fair to you, but i love you so much for putting up with it. If you really are reading this after i'm gone, find another girl and know that i want you to. Trust me im sure there's some other crazy asians running around. Babe, your the only man (other than dad) that i have ever loved and i promise. And no one has ever come close to even making me happier than you because i think that we are perfect together. Well anyways...if you do find someone esle, stay happy babe. And i really have been reading those devotions that we were gonna do together. I love you.

Michael you are the best brother anyone could ever ask for and no i will not call you mike because its just not going to happen. I dont know i thought it was kinda weird when you started calling me Liz...soo...yeah. Anyways, just remember not to be so paranoid all the time cause it will all work itself out. For real. I love you.

Steph i can't even begin to talk about all the crazy shit we got ourselves into girl, but it was all so much fun!! Whoo hoo, but you were always the one i could always come to and i know you would give me the answer i didn't want to hear but needed to hear. You have the strongest faith i have ever seen in anyone and just remember that. By the way, just because i'm gone doesn't mean that you don't have to come to my gravestone and update me on what's new and all of that...I love you.

Kayla your my roomate and i love you. Thanks for all the late night talk sessions and sorry that i'm typing this while your sleep ing but girl, you know im too lazy to go into the family room right now....Seriosuly though. I wouldn't have gotten through half the stuff i did if weren't for you...so thanks for being there during my nervous breakdowns. I hope you find your drummer lover. Lover.:) I love you.

TJ and Elliot, if you guys didn't get as much from the above portion of this blog, you are the two best oboists that i have ever met and i look up to you so much. Really though, if i had to choose between playing oboe with you or drinking out at Mad Planet with you...it'd probably be the latter. Hope that everything works out for you guys...and promise to always deal with problems by dancing in your underwear with wine in hand. I love you.

Emily, Lauren, and Kirsten, not to bunch all of you three in together, but i love all three of you so much and i would probably be saying the same ole stuff to all three of yah. You guys were my ladies in high school and you still are. We never did get together did we...well...if im really gone make sure you do that and get it crunk. Oh and make sure that you get enough crunk on for all FOUR of us. I love you.

Ashley Leah Katie and Kayla. Well girls we're still talking after high school and we aint stoppin so your my ladies. I suppose the hick years were necessary but really, lets try to forget the years where we thought it was cool to slick our hair back and dress like boys. what the hell were we thinking?? Haha...thats alright, i suppose we all turned out alright with exception to Kayla who has converted into horndog 4000. Haha just kidding but seriously Kayla, where did that come from? Anyways like always i hope the rentals arent reading this and here's to stories forever. I love you.

Brittany Lauren Wagner. I think you might be my soul sister. I miss talking to you. And i'm sorry taht i wasn't at Lindsey's party. You are the greatest hairdresser i have ever seen and i think that you rock. Stay confident hun you're beautiful. I love you.

Lauren Schultz. Girl you were great and don't let the little things stress you out. Hugs. Love Liz

Man guys, i'm sorry but i really need to go to sleep. I promise i will continue this saga of things that went unsaid though. No seriosuly...i promise. I love you all.